I’m a little concerned about the state of Hollywood.  Remember when “movie magic” really did seem to be so?  The world of filmmaking was but a mystery except to a select few in the business.  Being a celebrity was close to royalty.  Back when everyone was still new at it and people were in it for the creativity and invention.  You could walk into a studio and say “I want to work here” and they were happy to have you on board.

Lately it seems like the business is losing its magic and tradition. Changing old standards like the number of best picture nominees is just a small example of what seems to be contributing to a bloated industry.  It’s getting too big for its own good and I’m afraid the industry is coming to a point where it can be largely cast off as a joke.  I’m not talking about cg blockbusters, or multimillion dollar blow-stuff-up movies as the “getting bigger” examples.  That’s fine. I’m talking about the need for more. Releasing more movies a year equals making more money, no matter how stupid or ridiculous the premise. And what better way to make guaranteed money than on a film that you’ve already got the sets for and has made money in the past. The sequel!

We’re coming up on the 7th installment of the “Saw” series, falling into the already laughable genre of “Torture porn.” And I won’t say that in the past there haven’t been… less than impressive film series released (Rocky and Planet of the Apes, to name a few. PS, a Planet of the Apes prequel is in active development), but there was never anything good about the first Saw to try and capitalize on the following movies.  And good God, the next one is in 3D. Apparently 2010 is the perfect time to make another “Scream” movie, 14 years after the first, 10 years after the third.  And in 2010 a 4th Austin Powers is ripe for the picking, 13 years after the first one, 8 years after the third one.   It really just feels like sequels, prequels, squeakquels are in overdrive right now.   I’m still not clear whether “Fast & Furious (2009)” was a redo or a sequel to “The Fast and The Furious (2001).” The tagline of “New Model. Original Parts.” just confuses me further.

There’s such a lack of creativity for the sake of fast cash in the vast majority of releases lately that writers are resorting to movies based on boardgames and sequels to movies that came out 20 and 30 years ago.   Sure, Jumanji did okay, but Monopoly? Candy Land? Battleship?  Are there really good movies there? There’s… a FACEBOOK movie coming out. Come on!

The U.S. is remaking movies other countries have made less than a year after their release.  “Let the Right One In” was practically still in the theaters when they were announcing the American remake.    There’s a constant need to “One up” the previous attempt. Which brings me to why I initially decided to write this thing.

Hollywood has actually gathered up the courage to remake classics.  It started with “The Taking of Pelham 123″ and that was a train wreck. Pun intended. But, brace yourselves… They are actually in development to REDO “The Birds” and “My Fair Lady.”

…

Monangelisa?

It’s hard to gather my thoughts on how disappointing this trend is.  I love the original “Taking of Pelham 123,” and the new one is totally forgettable in my mind and I plan to just ignore it forever.  But honestly, what is the thinking behind it?  Do the producers really think they can make a better “My Fair Lady”?  What do they set out to achieve?  All they can hope for is to literally remake, shot for shot, the same movie but with a newer cast.  But why? What benefit to the industry and the world could that possibly have? You certainly can’t change the movie.  That’s one of the major failings of the new “Pelham 123.” And the actors have no choice but to try and mimic the actors of the famous, classic version. They certainly can’t reinvent the character. It’s not really their place, and then it’s not the same movie anymore.  I can’t imagine an actor likes having to outdo Audrey Hepburn. Why do it?

The excuse seems to be “to update for today’s generation.”  But that’s bullshit.  The classics are classics because they’re timeless. It’s like saying “You know, the Mona Lisa is good and all, but I don’t think her beauty speaks to today’s generation.  So we’re putting the original in storage and displaying this NEW painting with Angelina Jolie sitting in.” Today’s generation still watch and like both “The Birds” and “My Fair Lady.”  I really feel like it’s disrespectful to the original.  We’re talking about all time, best movies. Ever.  Producers are trying to make it fresh and new? Try ACTUALLY making something fresh and new.

Stop ruining movies. Just stop. Seriously.

I write this not because I hate movies, or I want the industry to fail, but because of the exact opposite.  I want it to be still standing and holding its head high when I get there.

The following sequels are currently in pre-production (This list doesn’t count legitimate next installments of a series) c/o imdb:

Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Transformers 3, Saw 7, Scream 4, Rambo 5, Wanted 2, Sherlock Holmes 2, Kung Fu Panda 2, Chronicles of Riddick 2, Lethal Weapon 5, The Strangers 2, BloodRayne 3, Big Mamma’s House 3, Raging Bull 2 (having nothing to do with Scorsese), Ghostbusters 3, Star Trek 2, The Hangover 2, Kill Bill 3, Paranormal Activity 2, Terminator 5, Underworld 4, Sin City 2, Sin City 3, Wolverine 2, xXx 3, Indiana Jones 5, Wild Hogs 2, Men in Black 3, Jumper 2, Zombieland 2, High School Musical 4 (aka, we’re not in high school anymore?), Ghost Rider 2, Anchorman 2, I, Robot 2, Scary Movie 5, Mission: Impossible 4, Dragonball 2, Iron Man 3, Hairspray 2, Silent Hill 2, Monster’s Inc 2, Super Troopers 2, National Treasure 3, Hancock 2, 28 Months Later (aka 28 Days Later 3), Austin Powers 4, Rounders 2, Kung Pow 2, Evil Dead 4, Cars 2, A new PeeWee movie of some sort of sequel status, Jeepers Creepers 3, A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas (aka Harold and Kumar [blank] 3), Beverly Hills Cop 4, Get Smart 2, Kung Fu Hustle 2, an I Am Legend prequel, a Bubba Ho-Tep prequel, Unbreakable 2, Madagascar 3, Constantine 2, The Thomas Crown Affair 2, Hostel 3,  The Mummy 4, White Chicks 2, Tremors 5, Bad Boys 3, Bridget Jones 3, Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2, Spy Kids 4, Spawn 2, Nancy Drew 2…  Any of those movies could be good, but DAAAAANG!

The following remakes are in pre-production (though a couple are at optioned property stages and might not make it to the screen) c/o imdb:

Conan (The Barbarian), The Three Stooges, Footloose, My Fair Lady, Yellow Submarine, The Thing, The Crow, Poltergeist, Total Recall,  The Wizard of Oz (as an animation), Spider-Man, Superman, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Dracula, Child’s Play, RoboCop, Dune, Alice (This time fully admitting to be American McGee’s Alice), The NeverEnding Story, Drop Dead Fred, The Host, Pinocchio, of course Tron, Logan’s Run, Fantastic Voyage,  Old Boy, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Flash Gordon (whose production company is ironically called Original Film), Another Dracula, Battle Royale (also being produced by Original Film), Ghost in the Shell, The Blob, The Seven Samurai, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Great Gatsby, Timecrimes, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Sunset Boulevard, The Color Purple (as a musical),  Kiki’s Delivery Service, Jesus Christ Superstar, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (again), Dirty Dancing…